Bold Journey Interview

I selected this question because at this very moment, I find myself at a crossroads in my life as it relates to my purpose. My professional purpose has been clear for many years. In all of my professional activities – whether writing a film, play, book or newspaper column; directing theater or film; making presentations on business topics, or actually teaching in a college environment – I am a teacher!

I came to that quite be accident. I was in graduate school for my doctorate and needed to make some money so I responded to an advertisement for an adjunct instructor at a college that was on my way home from grad school. “How hard could it be” I quipped. Well, a lot harder than I thought, at least to be a good teacher. But, I committed to becoming the best teacher I could be, and had a fulfilling and enjoyable 30-year career as a college professor. It became clear to me early in my career, that at my core, I am a teacher, and everything I did professionally I viewed from that lens. I consider myself fortunate to have made a living from something I so passionately love. And, as a retiree from full-time university teaching, I continue to “teach” in a more relaxed pace, being selective about both the variety and amount of projects I take on.

My personal purpose, and the one that I’ve always considered to be more important, is what challenges me right now, in a way that I’ve never been challenged. Dramatic developments (read losses) have created such consternation, that for probably the first time in my personal life, I’m not sure how to go forward [it’s possible that coming out in my 30’s came pretty close, but this feels worse because it’s happening now], Let me be clear, it is about “how to go forward, not “if”! I have every intention to push forward, just not sure how.

The fact is I lost the three most important “beings” [you’ll see in a sec, the reason for my word choice] in my life over the past four years. My Mom passed away in February, 2020 (before COVID) from stomach cancer and kidney failure; my Dad in May, 2021, from Parkinson’s Disease after an 18-year battle; and, my 11 1/2 year old flat-coated retriever from complications of trigeminal neuritis (an inflammation of nerves in the eyes, face and jaw) just this past August. I was with each of them when they passed. For my parents, I was their son and primary caregiver; for my dog, I was his dad and his caregiver and he was my best bud. They were roles I cherished and ones that consumed my personal life in mostly positive ways – my personal life had purpose. With their deaths, I not only lost them from my life, but I lost the purpose in my life.

At 63, with no siblings here (I was adopted and do have siblings in Italy) and no spouse or “person” in my world, I don’t know how to regenerate or recreate my purpose. It’s understandable as I sit in and with the grief that finding purpose would be difficult. It may be that I can see more clearly with time. So, for now, I am trying to be good to myself and give myself the gifts of understanding, empathy and patience that I would give a loved one going through the same experience. I don’t believe that “time heals all wounds.” I do believe that with time comes perspective, clarity and hope. And, it’s that notion that I’m relying on to get through (not over) the losses.