Pronoun Predicament?

When I originally considered how to approach this topic, I thought a thorough review of the development of pronoun use might be helpful. Then, I thought that I should present a succinct distillation of the issue from the pro-pronoun and anti-pronoun perspectives. But, all of that sounded like a dissertation and I’ve been there, done that, not doing it again!

I reflected more. I asked, “What is the real message I want to convey to readers?” That was a simple answer — respect without judgement.

The issue

So, what is the issue? As simply as I can put it — and this is by no means a comprehensive explanation — there are people who feel no, or not full, attachment to the gender assigned them at birth.

Before going further, it is helpful to note the difference between sex and gender identity. Sex is biological and physiological, usually male and female, you know along with the body parts we associate with each. Gender identity is the internal sense of being, which may or may not align with sex. This has nothing to do with sexual orientation, being gay or straight, etc., so don’t conflate the two.

Back to gender identity. A person may have been born male, but does not feel or live as a male, completely or partially. The same is true for some born female. They may consider themselves transgender (or trans). This means their gender identity does not correspond to the sex (male or female) registered to them at birth. In other instances, a person may consider themselves non-binary. This is a gender identity that does not conform to traditional binary beliefs about gender, which is you are either male or female. Nonbinary folks feel they are somewhere in between the two ends of the spectrum.

As a result, trans and nonbinary employees have preferred pronouns. If asked or permitted, they will share them. This may include:  he/him, she/hers, they/them. They would prefer that you refer to them according to those pronouns.

This requires some work on our part. First, it requires some intentionality. You may have to deliberately think about which pronoun to use if their preferred pronoun doesn’t match what you think their gender identity is.

That leads to the second requirement — no judgement. It is irrelevant what you think their pronoun should be, or on what religious or society construct you choose to base your belief. Just as it is irrelevant who you think they should be allowed to marry or what nail polish color the guy in the next cubicle chooses to wear. You can have your feelings and judgements — we’re happy for you, just keep them to yourself. Their choice of pronouns has no impact on your ability to do your job with the same excellence and passion that you have always had (I’m giving grace here, accept it!).