Become More… Kind

Today’s lesson:  Become More… Kind.

What did Raffi teach me about being kind? Remember the saying, “they don’t have a bad bone in their body”? Well, that was Raffi. Easy-going, friendly, and happy. Never heard him growl unless we were playing rough — he liked to wrestle. When we’d be out, and little kids would ask to pet him, they would typically pat his head — his least favorite petting area (he preferred butt scratches). He didn’t mind, he was just kind.

Raffi was a therapy dog, and that’s another place where his kindness shone brightly. We’d be with my students at Moravian, my folks at home or in the hospital, or nursing home residents. Raffi didn’t perform tricks or make a fuss — he was just kind.

What is kindness

For context, I read some articles on kindness. While they’re too academic for our purposes, the one thing that struck me the most is that kindness starts with us. However you define it — we need to be kind to ourselves before we can spread kindness to others.

Let’s discuss what we mean by kindness. Kindness is more than being nice and having manners. To be kind, you are those things but also caring, sensitive, friendly, helpful and fun. Yes, fun — kind people are fun to be around!

Benefits of kindness

If you Google “impact of kindness at work” or “benefits of kindness at work,” you will be inundated with studies proclaiming a plethora of positive effects from workplace kindness. But, fortunately, you won’t have to do that — that’s why I’m here, to give you the “practical” summary.

Essentially, being kind at work makes us happy. When we are happy, we perform better. When we perform better, it enables us to be kind to others, which motivates others to perform better. And, the virtuous cycle repeats!

Here are some specific benefits from a Forbes article, “Kindness at Work:  The New Link to Engagement and Performance,” by Heather V. MacArthur (June 5, 2023). MacArthur cites a number of studies whose research results underscore the impact of kindness at work.

One study found that kindness is “associated with happiness at work, as well as company productivity and profit.” Countering critics’ complaints that kindness might be nice, but not directly related to the bottom line — we can say it is! We know that working together, or collaborating, is key to teamwork at work. Another study demonstrated that kindness has “a way of kickstarting that cooperation” — a door-opener to setting the tone for effectively working together. A third study showed that “kindness at work predicts happiness at work, and happiness in life. It even surfaced the theme that kindness at work is a better predictor of happiness than income.” I have always championed this position in the classroom and workplace. I love when what we believe is also supported by data (proud Prof moment!).

How to be more kind

So being kind pays. Let’s talk about ways to make a habit of kindness paying constantly.

Andrew Swinand, in his article in Harvard Business Review, “Why Kindness at Work Pays Off” (July 21, 2023), offers five easy-to-learn, harder-to-practice tips. Here’s what is remarkable about them.

Practice self-care

As we said earlier, kindness starts with us. It’s similar to love — you have to love yourself before you can love another person (or doggo!). For many, that takes practice — especially for those who are great at taking care of others.

Do your job

How is doing your job being kind? Think about what happens to others – co-workers, supervisor, customers, etc. — when we don’t do our job. They are inconvenienced at best and disrespected and prevented from doing their job at worst.

Reach out with intention

I agree with Swinand, who says intention is key. Often, the intention is to listen, to care, to be interested, to connect and/or to strengthen that connection or relationship. Our interactions are kinder when we are present to our intention.

Recognize and acknowledge people

Can’t say this enough! People need and want to know you know their contributions and that you appreciate them. Swinand says it best: “Authentic, thoughtful interactions show that you’re thinking about that person and reflecting on their unique attributes and value, which can cement social connections. The result is a positive and uplifting environment, enabling a culture of kindness to thrive.”

Be conscientious with your feedback

What’s important here is the distinction Swinand makes between niceness and kindness. “Niceness tends to border on people-pleasing and can be disingenuous, while kindness is honest yet sensitive to other people’s experiences.” In other words, not being a jerk when you have “difficult” conversations like those around disciplinary action, job losses or budget cuts. He also emphasizes focusing the feedback on the person’s growth and development.

The MacArthur article in Forbes identified similar “routines.” One that she added elaborated on the previous tip from Swinand. MacArthur suggests that we “debate work, not one another.” It’s more of the don’t-be-a-jerk advice: be kind when dealing with differences of opinions, work ethics and approaches to solving problems or making decisions. It’s not the person — it’s a work thing that’s driving the disconnection.

All of these “routines,” as Swinand refers to them, will create and sustain a culture of kindness. And, at the same time, I know you’ll make Raffi proud!

Happy Holidays!

Next Column:  Becoming More…Accepting!

Dr. Santo D. Marabella, The Practical Prof, is a professor emeritus of management at Moravian University and hosts the podcast “Office Hours with The Practical Prof … and Friends.” His latest book, “The Lessons of Caring” is written to inspire and support caregivers (available in paperback and eBook). Website: ThePracticalProf.com; Twitter: @PracticalProf; Facebook: ThePracticalProf.

SOURCES & FURTHER READING:

Happy to help? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the effects of performing acts of kindness on the well-being of the actor* https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022103117303451?via%3Dihub

How Do Psychologists Define Kindness?* https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/all-about-kindness/#:~:text=Another%20paper%20in%20the%20Journal,others%20when%20it%20enhances%20your

Kindness at Work:  The New Link to Engagement and Performance https://www.forbes.com/sites/hvmacarthur/2023/06/05/kindness-at-work-the-new-link-to-engagement-and-performance/?sh=7bf5f73c5904

Practicing Other-Focused Kindness and Self-Focused Kindness Among Those at Risk for Mental Illness: Results of a Randomized Controlled Trial* https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8551549/

The Breakthrough Secret to Transform your Culture https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/breakthrough-secret-transform-your-culture-brian-biro/

Why Kindness at Work Pays Off

https://hbr.org/2023/07/why-kindness-at-workpaysoff#:~:text=Research%20suggests%20that%20kindness%20yields,employee%20engagement%2C%20and%20enhance%20productivity

*not cited but useful in context-setting