My Documentary Film Journey
The decision to take and share this journey began as a result of an accumulation of significant personal losses and the delayed grief that imploded within me last fall. Namely, that I lost my parents, Anna and Sam, and treasured dog, Rafaelle, all in a three-and-a half year period. I was consumed with sadness and grief. Lots of self-care began, which including setting goals for a better new year.
One goal I set was to tell the story of my adoption, in all of its beauty and complexity. I chose a documentary film as I believe that is the most organic and engaging way to tell my story. And, having a colleague and friend, Tracy Schott, who is a talented filmmaker with several award-winning documentaries to her credit, helped as well!
As I reflect on the campaign we are currently undertaking to fund the film, it occurs to me that to some, this project could look like a “vanity” project (The Santo Show), or even worse, a “woe, is me!” project. I get that! In a first person documentary, when the primary subject is the storyteller – it can be a fine line between necessary exposure and a self-absorbed film fest. I assure you, that is not my intent!
This is my intent. I want to share this personal journey through a documentary film because I authentically believe it will resonate meaningfully with others – adoptees and non-adoptees alike. Here’s why.
Before I explain, I need to be really clear. I had the absolute best possible adoption. My loving and dedicated parents, Anna and Sam, who adopted me, were my “real” parents in every way that matters. They gave me everything I needed, and most of what I wanted. Because of them and my own efforts, I’m a relatively happy, well-adjusted and grateful person.
Even so, for much of my life I’ve been lonely or felt like I didn’t belong. It should not surprise anyone that the first association I had with adoption was rejection – somebody didn’t want me and I didn’t belong. Over the years, I spent a lot of energy and effort trying to prove that I should belong and do belong.
What I’ve found, ironically, is that I’m not alone. The adoptive people I’ve spoken with over the years and more recently through this project, have echoed these same sentiments. Those who have taken up the search to find their biological families, and those who are content to not search, express their feelings of being disconnected or that they don’t belong throughout their lives.
But, I believe my story’s relevance extends beyond my fellow adoptees. In 2023, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, the US Surgeon General, reported that loneliness is an epidemic in the United States that can lead to all kinds of health risks – both physical and emotional. This doesn’t surprise me – we all have the need to be a part of something bigger – a relationship, a family, a community. Put another way, we want to claim our “seat at the table.” Although for many of us, something gets in the way of making the connections that we deeply need. For me, that “something” was being adopted; for others, it might be mental health challenges substance issues, social anxiety, to name a few.
Besides the positive aspects, this film will also explore the abandonment and isolation that can result from even the best adoptions. And the impacts are felt by the families on both sides of adoption as we will show. We understand the incredible complexity and vastness of this social condition, and we have no delusions that our film can solve it. We do believe, because we have experienced from our past projects, that film and documentary film, specifically, can tell a story that raises awareness about important human conditions, de-stigmatizes them and inspires change and growth. That is why I want to make this film.
I want this film to celebrate a blessed life while trying to understand how my adoption has contributed to who I am and who I can still become. I want to tell it in a way that resonates with others – adoptees and those searching to belong.
I hope you will join my journey! Click here to support the film: IlMioPostoFilm.com