Become More… Accepting

Today’s lesson is about becoming more accepting in the workplace.

Raffi accepted everyone! Age, color, wealth meant nothing to him. Two things did: were you nice to me, did you bring him a treat?

What did I learn from Raffi? That I should accept everyone or have a really good reason for not accepting them — not something arbitrary like gender, etc., but things like character or morals. And, I learned that acceptance can be passive — I can accept without involvement. I can “accept” a co-worker and not have to connect with them on any other level except as a colleague, whether I “accept” their perspective or like them. If you weren’t a “dog person,” Raffi wouldn’t bother you, but he still accepted you.

The context for acceptance at work

We begin with acknowledging how we value and treat employees — today, that’s diversity, inclusion and belonging. The distinctions can get convoluted but an Indeed.com article provides clarity. They say diversity is representation of our community, inclusion is taking actions that help people feel comfortable and belonging is feeling connected.

Unless you live in a cave, we know why diversity and inclusion are important. Diverse workforces are rich in perspectives and yield more opportunities for success; and inclusion is how we motivate and energize that kind of workforce.

What about belonging? Before you dismiss this as snowflake-onomics — I’ve got data! Feeling like you belong positively impacts bottom lines. Harvard says that “if workers feel like they belong, companies reap substantial bottom-line benefits.” Here are a few: A 56% increase in performance; 50% drop in the risk of turnover, and a 75% reduction in sick days.” For huge companies, that could mean more than $50 million in annual savings. That should melt some flakes!

That’s the context, now how acceptance fits in. Vityl, creators of employee engagement platforms, states that building a culture where people feel they belong starts with acceptance. Acceptance is more than the opposite of rejection. With acceptance, you are welcomed into the organization as every other person is, with all of the same rights and privileges. Your ideas and perspectives are incorporated and included. And, when they aren’t, they are still respected and considered.

According to Vityl, acceptance at work is “a key driver of how employees feel in their roles, and can have a significant impact on job satisfaction and motivation. Its presence can easily define one’s sense of belonging…” Once people feel accepted, they can begin to feel they belong.

Accepting people in the workplace

The “rub” is not only feeling accepted, but being accepted. We can help employees be accepted. The PeopleProductive, a company that promotes a workforce productivity solution, Chron, a Hearst company and Vityl, offer suggestions on how to do this. Here is a summary:

Connect your people: Introductions in onboarding, team-based projects during work, planning retreats away from work or social activities outside of work — all create ways for employees to be with one another and facilitate the connections that make acceptance possible.

Work on communications: Establishing communication protocols (e.g. we use email, but frown on texts) provides the guidelines that are “acceptable,” while effectively listening to employees builds trust, honesty and authenticity necessary for acceptance.

Provide feedback: Providing feedback affirms one’s place of acceptance — we don’t give feedback to those who are not accepted. The problem is we often don’t give feedback to those who are. Respectful comments, counsel, critique that fosters growth or acknowledges appreciation demonstrate acceptance — even when it’s critical.

Acceptance requires disciplined and thoughtful actions, but it’s doable. It becomes more difficult, albeit still necessary, when we’re challenged to accept a co-worker with whom we don’t get along.

One strategy to work through this, according to a FastCompany article, is practicing radical acceptance. Popularized in her book, “Be Better Than Your BS: How Radical Acceptance Empowers Authenticity and Creates a Workplace Culture of Inclusion,” Risha Grant encourages readers to “examine the roots of their issues through a process of radically accepting themselves and then teaches them how to build a BS-free culture by radically accepting others.”  To Grant, BS means two things — the slang for “manure,” and belief systems.

In other words, when we understand the hold our belief systems have had on us (read biases), and accept that reality, we can free ourselves from it and accept others. Sometimes, we may have to forgive ourselves for how we are, so that it no longer controls how we will be. That enables us to then accept others radically — those we find it hardest to accept. The FastCompany article reminds us that “by first addressing your own biases, you can more clearly understand how you are perceiving, and treating, any coworkers you do not get along with.” With that awareness, we can make strides in accepting them.

Simple example. I grew up in an Italian-Catholic, white family culture. While not outwardly racist, there were aspects of our cultural pride that subtly demeaned or minimized those who were not from the same cultural background. Recognizing that I used my cultural pride as an excuse not to accept people I didn’t like, enabled me to step up to my responsibility in the acceptance process.

If we were like Raffi, it wouldn’t be this hard. But humans, we know, are wired differently than our canine cuties. So, we have some work to do, but I’m sure Raffi will be cheering us on!

Next Column:  Becoming More … Authentic!

Dr. Santo D. Marabella, The Practical Prof, is a professor emeritus of management at Moravian University and hosts the podcast “Office Hours with The Practical Prof … and Friends.” His latest book, “The Lessons of Caring” is written to inspire and support caregivers (available in paperback and eBook). Website: ThePracticalProf.com; Twitter: @PracticalProf; Facebook: ThePracticalProf.

SOURCES & FURTHER READING:

A Culture of Belonging Starts with Acceptance

Five Keys to Acceptance at Work

How Belonging Differs from Diversity and Inclusion — and Why It Matters

How to Encourage Acceptance of People in the Workplace

How to Practice Radical Acceptance with a Co-Worker you Don’t Get Along with

The Value of Belonging at Work

*not cited but useful in context-settin