How are you … Really?

First, reader feedback; then, “how are you doing?”

Let’s Talk About Race ProfPoll

Results from 17 responses.

QUESTION No. 1: How “woke” are you? (1 Not Woke, 5 Very Woke).

1 — 6%

2 — 6%

3 — 12%

4 — 41%

5 — 35%

QUESTION No. 2: Did you talk about race at work since the George Floyd murder? 

Yes — 82%

No — 18%

QUESTION No. 3: If so, describe your conversation.

“Sometimes I am ignored and other times I’m able to make a difference.”

TPP: I would argue that you are making a difference in both instances.

“Presented factual information that the country has moved away from systemic discrimination and racism and Blacks/females need to not play the victim card but jump on the opportunity card provided in America.”

TPP: I am interested in seeing this “factual information.” From everything I see, the only thing we have seemed to move away from is a commitment to address systemic discrimination.

“My students think racial issues are overblown, and not pertinent… Let me be clear, there is no fear of the subject, they just don’t care or think it impacts their lives.”

TPP: Is it also possible that this generation treats everyone more fairly and the apathy may actually be a frustration that we (older generations) don’t, as Maya Angelou said, “just do right!”   

“I work in a liberal environment where people care deeply about social justice so it was a productive conversation, with people agreeing that change must be made and that violence against BIPOC [Black Indigenous and People of Color] folks is unacceptable!”

TPP: Sounds productive!

“I have a Black Lives Matter sign hanging up in my office. I am not hiding how I feel and don’t mind engaging in conversations about how African Americans have been oppressed and continue to be oppressed.”

TPP: Encouraged that you can express yourself safely; not true for every respondent.

The conversations vary greatly — productive conversations with people who are “with it” (as one reader); no conversations because we are “all equal” (another reader); difficult conversations because facts weren’t shared or were not really facts.  People said the most productive conversations occur when they are honest, respectful and ongoing.

As always, thanks to the responders. Now, today’s lesson.

How are you?  Really?

“Community at work” is gone. I have written about it at least five times in the past 11 years, including May, 2022. I wrote that “‘community at work’ is actually caring about one another, not in a … nosey-neighbor way, but in an authentic way that one cares about another human being with whom we daily work side by side toward common goals.” The lack of community gives rise to the pervasive disengagement that leads to “quiet quitting” (Oct. 18, 2022) and quitting in general. Today’s lesson — more evidence of more costs.

Have you experienced this perfunctory, but well-intended ritual? You pass a co-worker in the hall or maybe at the start of a virtual meeting; YOU: “Hi, how are you?” OTHER PERSON: ”Fine, thanks, and you?” YOU: “Great!” Leaving you both feeling that neither really cared.

We aren’t malevolent or malicious, just self-absorbed and disconnected. We go about our day, engaging only when necessary and only about what is necessary. We blame COVID or being over-worked, but neither is an excuse. In fairness, we might be uncertain about how to engage or how much to engage; and, if I make the effort, will I blur professional boundaries or say something inappropriate? Because we’re self-isolated, feeling awkward about engaging other co-workers is a reasonable concern. We’re not impotent, just out of practice.

I have an easy, effective way to make deeper connections with co-workers that won’t get you in trouble with HR or stop you from getting your work done.

Next time you run into a colleague or before a virtual meeting, try this:

You: How are you?

Person 2: Fine/great, how are you? (typically, this, or something similar, is the response given)

You: No, really, how are you?

Person 2: (Wait for their response. There may be a long pause — that’s just them being stunned that you actually might care! Then, listen.)

Before you “but” me, think on this:

• Worried that this will take too long, and hamper your ability to get on with your day? It won’t. I’ve done this with scores of people in academic courses and business training sessions. Total time for the back-and-forth: One to two minutes. Too busy to take two minutes to connect with a colleague? You might have an inflated sense of your own value — consider talking to a career coach.
• Concerned that this exercise opens the “floodgates” for an uncontrollable bitch fest or a therapy session? It doesn’t. Most people have well-developed TMI (Too Much Information) monitors. When they don’t, a simple redirect to a post-work meet-up, or, if you don’t want to spend more time than you have to with them, suggest they explore HR’s plethora of resources for assistance.
• You’ve reached No. 3 and you’re still unconvinced because you don’t see the benefit of connecting with your colleagues (read: don’t care), that’s sad. People are an organization’s greatest asset — yourself included. Don’t miss out on the connection.

Give this a shot. If you do, please consider sharing your experience in this month’s ProfPoll. You can find it here:

ProfPoll Link: https://santod2013.survey.fm/how-are-you-really

Poll Closes: 9 p.m., Sunday, May 28, 2023

Sharing how we really are deepens our connection with co-workers that opens possibilities for more collaboration, productivity and performance… and, dare I say, a fun and pleasant workplace.

Next Column:  Mental Wellness at Work

Dr. Santo D. Marabella, The Practical Prof, is a professor emeritus of management at Moravian University and hosts the podcast “Office Hours with The Practical Prof … and Friends.” His latest book, “The Lessons of Caring” is written to inspire and support caregivers (available in paperback and eBook). Website: ThePracticalProf.com; Twitter: @PracticalProf; Facebook: ThePracticalProf.